Everytime We Love, We Restrain the Other One

Hieromonk Savatie Baştovoi

What I mean by that is that type of suffocating love, where one “takes possession” of one’s fellowman, and which starts to “model” everyone else according to oneself. I think that we have all done such things: for instance, parents who love their children to the point where children, when they grow up, they don’t know how to escape from their parents’ tyranny – which isn’t true tyranny, but which can be perceived as such in the other one’s heart. Therefore, one first misunderstanding, one first “hazard” of love is that of us acting like people who actually know what real love is about and who therefore think they can – or even must – impose it to others.

Love – says Apostle Paul – bears all things, believes all things, forgives all things. Loves does not get puffed up, seeks not her own, does not vaunt itself; love never fails. So in order for us not to get lost in our own deformed understanding of love, the Apostle lists the signs of true love: that is, to be near the other one as if you were not. Love does not seek her own. Every time we love, we restrain the other one’s space.

That kind of love never bears fruit. But humility has always convinced one. It has even convinced tyrants, many times.

(A fragment from a lecture by Hieromonk Savatie Baştovoi – “On the Hazards of Love”. Arad, Romania, Dec. 13, 2007)

9 thoughts on “Everytime We Love, We Restrain the Other One

  1. T.P.Mathew says:

    The full article is required to make an effective comment.
    I long to read all the writings in English of the blessed Hieromonk Savatie Baştovoi’s writings.I only had the luck of reading that much available in his web page.
    My previous similar attempts in internet like this one has not worked

    • Valahia says:

      Thank you for your comments. This is an excerpt of a speech by Fr. Savatie, which has not been transcribed in writing and of which I have only taken this fragment. In the meantime, I have noticed that the recorded material is no longer available on the internet.

      Even if it is not available in its full 2-hour length here, I found this fragment to be rich in meanings as it is, as it draws one’s attention to our ability to love, which isn’t always what “it should be”. Indeed, to love is to give the other one’s freedom, and this is not always true, no matter if it is parents who love their children or other type of love relationships.

      Fr. Savatie’s purport I think has to do very much with a “model” which we should all keep in mind whenever we love: God’s love. God’s love is the best example of what we should strive for – as nobody else loves us and nobody else cares for our freedom, at the same time, as He does.

      I hope to be able to post more materials by Fr. Savatie in the future.
      God bless,

  2. T.P.Mathew says:

    Thanks for the response.
    Looking forward to your postings of “more materials by Fr. Savatie in the future”

  3. T.P.Mathew says:

    There probably is an irresistable charm in the materials by Fr. Savatie.
    It is so relevant to the daily happenings in one’s life in the contemporary world and eddifies the reader against all attacks in the intellectual and the psychological spheres.


    • Valahia says:

      I agree. Personally, I find Fr. Savatie’s writings brilliant and very apt to tackle intellectual and pshychological issues – and temptations – of today’s world.

      Best regards,

  4. braduta3 says:

    extremely useful….thanks! 😉

  5. jean-michel says:

    me too, I like very much fr. Savatie’s homilies & discourses, I’ve translated several in French back in 2006
    this one translated :

    slava Bogu!

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